Friday, August 3, 2012

I Am A Despicable Human Being

Blogging. Such a responsibility, haha. SO many things have been happening this summer I don't even know where to begin. Let's start with an overview of what HAS happened and then we will proceed to what WILL happen.

HAS: Throughout the summer I have been babysitting (full time) and taking a couple of online courses so I can graduate early. Yay for saving moneyz, right?! On June 14th, my best friend asked me to spend the rest of forever with him, and of course I said yes! More to come on that later if you so wish. Yep, well that about covers my summer, work work work, engagement! Not too bad, right? However there has been a lot of learning going on, and not just from my classes. The Lord is teaching me ever more the importance of prayer, daily surrender and total dependence on Him. I cannot even begin to express how much I have been challenged and grown in these areas and I hope to continue much much more! I miss so much the community  I built in Tuscaloosa and absolutely cannot wait to get back and invest in some serious relationships! Therefore we move on to...

WILL: This Fall I will be starting my second year of college. Oh my word, right? Time seriously flies. I am super pumped about getting to start my REAL English major classes *nerd alert* and living with three of my favorite people ever. I am going to be a Lifegroup leader with a couple of other great girls that I hope to get to know more and grown closer to! Lifegroup leader. Yikes. Every time I think of it old fears of vulnerability and ability to lead spring to the surface as if I never attempted to conquer them. Apparently we still have more work to do. I am very anxious about learning more about Christ and what He has to teach me in this context.

Whatever happens this year I greet it with an unexpected thrill and energy to tackle it head on. God has thrown some crazy things my way and I know He isn't done with me yet. So I press on towards the goal of the prize of the upward call of God in Jesus Christ (Philippians 3:14).

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

The Passover

First off, I know I haven't written in a while, shame on me. I've been busy pretending to be busy at school when in fact most of my activities have been recreational such as my first 5k race in Atlanta, and this upcoming weekend trip to Disney World, WOO!

Anyway, I know it's not Friday and that's what the title implies, but it works, I promise. I'm going to try to make this as concise as possible and still be able to blow your mind.

Lastly, I was trying to tackle too much with this post. I'm going to split it up.

Easter: the holiday that we, as Christians, use to celebrate the death and resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! But to understand the gravity of His death we have to start with the story that led up to it.

Actually we have to start about well...a long time before that. So when the Israelites were captive in Egypt, God sent Moses to tell Pharaoh to let them go and he didn't want to so God sent the ten plagues. And then God told Moses to tell the people that they needed to be ready to go at a moment's notice (so they didn't have time to put yeast in their bread to let it rise, hence unleavened bread). Not only that, He told them that they needed to find a lamb, sacrifice it, and put the blood on the door so that the Angel of Death would pass over their house (pass+over=Passover). If you want to read the rest of that story go read more or less Exodus 8-11.

So the Isrealites were eventually set free and they started having an annual Passover meal to celebrate their liberation and anticipate the coming of the Messiah. So Luke 22 lays out the Passover meal that is often referred to as The Last Supper because it was indeed the last supper of Jesus. So they were just going along through the Passover meal tradition (after Jesus washed their feet, but that's an entirely different animal) and Jesus takes the third cup, the cup of redemption and blessing and holds it out to them and says "this is the new covenant in my blood, drink." Weird, right?  Well, what he was basically doing was "proposing" to them. What was He proposing? Marriage of course, that we (the church) would be his bride. What does it mean? I'm glad you asked. So in those times, when a man proposed the woman would drink to say yes or not to say no. And what would happen after she accepted is that the groom would go back to his home town while his father built an extension onto their house for them to live in. So the bride didn't get to see the groom the whole time they were engaged and he wouldn't be able to come get her until their house was finished. Who decided when it was finished? The grooms Dad. Let me connect the dots for you. Jesus proposed to the disciples (us) and they (we) said yes. Keep in mind this is hours before He died. He knew He wouldn't see us for a while, so He told us that He would send a helper to us (The Holy Spirit) while He was away. What will He be doing while He is away? Building a house for us, an extension of His father's house. When the Father decides it is done, He will send His son back to receive His bride (us). The best part is that He knew what He was getting himself into with a bride like us! We are not by a long stretch worthy to be the bride of Christ, His closest followers betrayed, denied and doubted Him! He proposed to someone that would cause Him the greatest heartache imaginable, yet He still calls us Beloved which means "one bought with a price."

citations for this post:
John 14:1-2, 16
Ephesians 5:23
Revelation 19:7-9
Matthew 24:36

To keep myself accountable, the follow up posts that correlate with this one will deal with the following topics: Old Covenants, New Covenant, Resurrection Sunday, the Character of Jesus

Friday, March 23, 2012

Spring Break 2012

I am the worst blogger ever! Sorry to keep my minimal number of readers waiting.

This Spring Break has probably been one of my favorites ever. I had the opportunity to go to the Dominican Republic on a mission trip with 8 other students and 4 adults. The experience was amazing, to say the least. I don't even know where to start with telling you all about it!

Our focus was in a small community called Soto near La Vega.

Sunday we sang/spoke at church to a congregation of about 70 kids, 4 women, the pastor, and the music leader (the only two men there). That afternoon we hiked up a GINORMOUS mountain and saw a beautiful waterfall! God is so good.

 Monday through Wednesday we did morning and afternoon backyard Bible clubs. We had about 50-60 kids at each one every day! Day one: Creation. Day two: Jesus's life and miracles. Day three: Salvation.

Monday afternoon we went to one of the poorest communities in La Vega called "The Rails." These poor, sweet children come out of the wood works and cling to you because they are so starved for human interaction and affection. It was both a humbling and precious moment to look into that little girls eyes and repeat the only Spanish I knew "you are beautiful, I love you and Jesus loves you" and to see her eyes light up and see her smile and feel her arms wrap around me for dear life.

Tuesday morning we woke up early and went into town to get some street made empanadas. SO GOOD! And then we went to the market and picked our lunch out. And by that I mean we watched them slaughter and cut up the chickens and then we ate them 4 hours later. Talk about fresh. :)

Thursday we went white water rafting! It was my first time so I was a little nervous, but it was beautiful! And then that night we went into the schools (only the second evangelical group ever) and talked to the kids about the importance of leadership and their potential to change their world.

Friday: Youth rally! Soto has a little "club house" where we pumped up some Hillsong and let kids come so we could just hang out with them and talk to them more about 1 Timothy 4:12

God is moving in such mighty ways in Soto! Our church has sort of "adopted" that area into our mission field so we will be sending multiple groups to the same area to invest into the lives of the people. Gotta start saving money for next year!

Friday, March 9, 2012

Everyone Needs Compassion

It's really hard to come up with a title for this post. But ya'll should be happy that blogging made my to-do list of things to do before I leave the country! I thought I had gotten over my extreme and irrational fear of this trip, but not we are less than 24 hours away from being there and I can't get these butterflies out of my stomach. Not to mention something that could completely make or shatter my world is happening while I'm gone and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

But nevertheless, God is doing great things in my walk! On Wednesday night we watched a simulcast of a documentary called "Love Costs Everything." If there is ANY way for you to get a hold of this documentary, do it. It broke my heart and has really got me thinking, in the good way of course. But it's still scary!

Basically it is about the persecuted church. In 2003 Iraq had 2 million Christians. Guess how many they have now? 200, 000. About 10% of what they had just barely 9 years ago. A pastor baptized 13 people one Sunday, and by the next, 11 were dead. And listening to these people who have been beaten down, literally, by people of Islamic and Hindu faith just shatters my heart. But it is more than just sympathy. Do I hurt for them, yes. But it is so much deeper. When asked what they wanted to happen to the people that so brutally persecute them they say without hesitation "I pray for God to have mercy on them and forgive them for their sins." WHAT?!

This makes me think of a couple different things.
1- Paul. He is imprisoned, right? And he is writing his letter to the church in Ephesus. And what does he say? He says "pray for me that word be given to me that whenever I open my mouth I may fearlessly (boldly) proclaim the gospel for which I am a prisoner in chains." Again, WHAT?! How easy would it have been for me to write "pray for me that they free me from these chains" or "pray that God strike down these people that have hurt me." But he prays for words to fearlessly proclaim the gospel. Does that not blow your mind?

2- When Jesus was being beaten he looks up and says "forgive them, for the know not what they do." They don't know what they do? Sure they do! They know they are beating and crucifying and innocent man, don't they?! But I was reading the other day about how people that don't know Christ don't have the knowledge that we have. And that makes sense. They don't know what they do. Because they don't know that God is the Most High God so they don't know that they are literally killing him.

I am so baffled by this compassion. And I feel like such an awful person because a lot of times I can't even show people grace when they step on my heel on the sidewalk, or step into my path or say something hurtful. These people have compassion on the people that want to kill them! I pray so fervently that God enable my heart to harbor such compassion. And why wouldn't we want for God to have mercy on them? Are we so selfish that we think the kingdom of God is not big enough for all of us? That it somehow isn't just for them to get into the kingdom of God for committing sins just like we have? We play the "your sin is worse than mine" game. We play God and want to cast eternal judgement on them because of what they have done to US.  How stupid and selfish of us! The love and salvation of God is for all that will accept it!

It makes my head hurt when I try to find this compassion within myself. And it makes my heart hurt when I realize that I can't. But that's exactly why we need God, isn't it?

Monday, February 27, 2012

Peace Like a River

I'm feeling a lot less freaked out and drama queenish since my last post. Aren't you glad? I thought you would be. God has revealed a couple of pretty awesome things to me since then and I am so excited to share them with all of whoever you are!

First on the agenda is the fact that the Beth Moore study on Daniel is fantastic and every single one of you should do it because it will twist your perspective into positions you never thought possible and also blow your mind to shreds at the same time. But something I thought was really interesting was said in my lesson the other day. She was talking, or rather I was reading, about Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego and the "fiery furnace." (SIDE NOTE: The Veggietales depiction of this story is one of my favorites ever in the world). Any way, she mentioned that in Zechariah 2:8 we are mentioned as the "apple of the Lord's eye." OK. So the apple of your eye. If someone came up behind you and tried to touch your pupil, would you notice it? Yes. Nothing can happen to us without Him noticing it. He feels it, knows it and sees it. But the most marvelous part about it is that He doesn't just sit around and do nothing. He heals you from the wounds that have been inflicted upon you. WOAH. I know.


Also..... PEACE. It was told me a few weeks ago that peace is not a feeling, it is a reality. This really confused me and I started to question what peace really is and how you know that you have peace. I still don't really know all the answers, but I have a few ideas. One of my fantabulous Bible study leaders that has become so dear to me said something along the lines of "peace is like joy. It is a continual reality that we have in Christ. When we are feeling down we draw from His endless supply of joy. We are always at peace. But when we are not, it is Him trying to bring our attention to something." Then this morning she sent me a text with Isaiah 54:10. It says "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed." The Lord that spoke the world into existence took the time to speak these comforting words so that we not fret over the petty things of this world. Even though it seems like the world is falling apart, His love will not fail. His COVENANT of peace will not be removed. Who thinks God lies? Yeah....me either. So it must be true, right? Whenever I think about covenants I think of the beautiful picture of Noah. Not that this is the only covenant, but so far in my studies it's my favorite and the one we are most reminded of. So I think we can all agree that humanity, in a sweeping generalization, is pretty stupid. God knows it too, that's why He flooded us out that one time. ONE time. Does He get angry at us when we are stupid? Yes. Does He flood the earth again? No. Why? Because He made a covenant with us. Peace is also a covenant. So even when we doubt Him and wound him with our inability to trust and overwhelming ability to doubt His ability He will not take away His promise of peace.

Now don't you feel better?

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Comfort Zones

      I am having a little tiny MAJOR freak out! I'm sitting here at eleven o'clock at night having a complete melt down because of something I know I am supposed to do! Has God ever done that to you? He gets you to get comfortable with what He wants you to do but doesn't tell you about what all comes with it? It's funny, really. His sense of humor just never ceases to amaze me.

So I have been called to go on this mission trip, right? It's over Spring Break and we are going to the Dominican Republic. And at first I didn't know if I could sacrifice those work hours to go or if I could sacrifice the money I will have made up to that point, ya know? Well I got over it. At some point God just tells you to stop making excuses and do it! And I was so excited about it!

And then I find out all I have to do. I have to talk in front of a classroom of kids, play games with them, talk to them and be friendly, do Bible clubs and have a testimony prepared for any moment. I know this sounds sort of trivial and stupid and like how we should be on guard every day for someone to ask us about our faith, but this feels different. Have you ever been on mission trips with a group and you're the one that just watches everything? You still participate, but there is that one group of people that seems to be the most fun and outgoing that all the kids want to hang out with because their pretty and fun and they all end up getting heart warming pictures together? yeah...I was NEVER in that group. And it's scary.

Not to mention that I'm only really close with one person going and that one person happens to be my boyfriend. And I can't be that clingy girlfriend. Not that I want to be. I WANT to be able to be the fun girl that people want to hang out with. But I'm new to this group. They've grown up together. I don't like being the newcomer that feels like they have to force their way into the group. You know why I don't like being that girl? Because I never liked those girls. And I've seen the damage that those girls can do.

So basically what we have here is just another case of low self worth and a feeling of helplessness that God can't possibly use me in the ways that He uses other people. Which is ridiculous. Obviously He has called me to this and He is going to equip me, but aren't I allowed to be scared?

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Honesty is the Best Policy

Does it sound familiar? It should! You probably heard it a million and one times growing up, between mom and elementary school teachers, didn't you? Well it really is true, ya know...and it's about time we were honest with ourselves and with Jesus.

Nice segway, right? I thought so too. I am always so blessed to hear the Word of God from the pastor at my home church! And we are all tech savvy and have live streams on Sunday morning so I can watch from Tuscaloosa and you should check it out!

So he was talking this morning about being disappointing with God and not understanding what happens to us. I have touched on this topic several times, I know, but stick with me on this. Job. We've all heard of him. He was disappointed! And I probably would be too if just about everything I knew and loved got ripped from me...oh wait, it did. I'm taking this time to be honest with you in the hopes that you, whoever you are, going through the toughest time in your life will be able to do what it took me way too long to do. 

SO first he was super disappointed and he was all like "dad gum it, God, what is going on? Why is everyone against me, and why did people I love leave me just because I'm going through this?" or maybe that's what I said....you get the point. And God was all like "oh, my bad, are you the one that makes the sun come up? Do the lightning bolts answer to you? Does the ocean ebb and flow because of your voice? Oh...I didn't think so, that's me." And so Job was like "oh, right....my bad, I'll stop being such a whiney baby now because you are the One True God who knows everything and are sovereign even in our afflictions."

God is sovereign! Don't you get it?! It gives me completely unspeakable joy to know that even when I have not earthly idea what is going on, that God does! We only see a little picture of what is happening because we are finite creatures. We can only see what is happening here and now. God is simply IN time. We can't see the forest for the tree that's in front of us, but God is in the forest and can see what has happened, what is happening and what will happen. Does that not give you comfort? He KNOWS you're disappointed! We can be honest with other people and ourselves all day long, but once we take it to God we are going to stay in this pit of despair and heartache! I'm sick of despair and heartache! The Holy Spirit that is alive and well in my soul is much happier and encouraging company.

Us seeing God is sort of like looking at the moon. We all know there is a moon. Sometimes we can see all of it, clear as day, sometimes its completely hidden from view, and sometimes we can only see a little sliver of its great magnitude. But the moon doesn't really change, does it? Only our perspective of it changes.

I can't help but be so joyful to know that God IS there and will ALWAYS be there! I was a Job. We've all been a Job at one point or another, haven't we? But what happened to him? Go read it and find out. And then be honest with God. Hand it all over to Him  because no matter how hard we try, we can't hide our disappointment in Him from Him.

I feel like I'm being so redundant and I have so many other things to say, it's joy. So much joy. It can't be contained. A huge weight taken off my shoulders. I am free to grow and be in Him because I am not longer in that pit! But beware...Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy. He wants you in that pit because that's where you are vulnerable and he is most successful. But that's another post for another day.

Take heart! He has overcome the world!

* Passages that inspired this post were Job 19, 38, 42, Psalm 13 and Isaiah 55*

Monday, January 23, 2012

In This Storm....

Storms are nasty. I don't like them. Not one bit. And there was one. Last night. It wasn't fun.

Here in Alabama storms are no strangers. We are all too familiar with the tragedy that occurred April 27, 2011 and all the heartache that came with those dark clouds. I wasn't in Tuscaloosa when it happened, but two of the most important people in my life were. My two best friends (one of which happens to be my fantabulous boyfriend) were both in the same room while I was at home watching the F5 stealthily creep past Bryant Denny, on a mission to destroy lives and families. I cannot tell you the gut wrenching fear that I felt for those I loved and those I didn't even know. Even afterwards, while doing some volunteer work there were several times when I just wanted to weep at all the destruction and heartache. How could God let things like this happen?

Funny how these things work out. Just recently there have been several passages of scripture that answer all the questions that Satan plants in our heads when we go through a storm. I started the Beth Moore "Daniel" study with my awesome roommate this past week and one of the things that she pointed out in session 1 was that "God is sovereign in our captivities." He might temporarily hand us over to "darkness," but he is ALWAYS in control. Speaking of control, he controls EVERYTHING. I have a friend that was telling me that he read through Job and how God commands every rain drop where to land (chapter 37). Don't you think that includes tornadoes? Don't you think that is also a metaphor for things that happen in our life? One of those big churchy words we like to use to make us sound smarter is omniscient. It means all-knowing.

So not only does he allow everything to happen, he commands it. He has commanded the sea to stop, he has commanded people be healed and he has commanded for every hair on your head and cell in your body to come into being. Back on topic. In case you haven't figured it out, I am using a storm as a metaphor. Everybody goes through storms whether they be literal or figurative for a tough patch in life. But I guess the point of saying all this is that when we go through storms it is the perfect time to let our spiritual endurance blossom and allow ourselves to become stronger! James 1:2-4 says "consider it joy, brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." Ho encouraged do you feel now?! Ever heard the saying "God won't give you anything you can't handle?" Well, turns out its a biblical truth. And another one of those funny things. We go through stuff, right? And it's hard. And we have to build ourselves back up from the very foundation. But when we are done we are stronger and ready for an even bigger storm. But God doesn't just let us go through this stuff for fun!  In 2 Corinthians Paul says "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, Father of Mercies and God of comfort who comforts us in our afflictions so that we may comfort others in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves were comforted by God."

This means we get opportunities to share with others the beautiful message of the gospel THROUGH our pain and suffering! Have you ever thought about the beautiful irony that the most beautiful days are right after the worst storms? It's because the most prosperous and God glorifying times in our lives are when we don't let what has happened to us get us down in a pit! It's glorifying to God when we are able to overcome it like He knew we could. It makes Him smile to know that we are strong and it is because we have sought and continue to seek His truth in everything!

Storms come. it's a fact of life. But if you stand there and just look at the damage it just starts to decay and rust and get even uglier. Eventually you have to start cleaning up and build again, from the foundation, to make a stronger steadier structure that can withstand the storm that comes next. But that's what is so beautiful. We don't go through the same storm twice! It may be in one area of our life that we have to clean up and build up before a storm can tear down another area of our life that we need work in. It's all so we "may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing" like James says; and all to bring glory and honor to our Abba, who gives us a peace that surpasses all understanding, a comfort that exceeds any extraneous amount of chocolate, and has a brilliant and beautiful plan for our lives that puts to shame anything we could ever hope to accomplish on our own.

So I will praise Him in this storm. And I will praise Him in every storm. For giving me a chance to start over and strengthen an area of my life that is not bringing glory to God as it should, so that I may have utterance whenever I open my big fat mouth that I may "proclaim with boldness the mystery of the gospel" Ephesians 6:19, and so I can comfort those who are in the midst of similar storms.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Cows, Economics and Literature

I know it's a weird title. It came from my world literature class as we were talking about how to make a language. In a very abbreviated version I will explain my title. In Mesopotamia they used to just draw pictures to convey messages or take inventory of things like...cows. Well that turns into economics (ew) with trade and such blady blah blah. WELL, then once those pictures got abbreviated into symbols that stood for the word cow it became easier to write full ideas....like stories. And there you have it, the connection between cows, economics and literature.

 I don't think I have ever shared with you all what I want to do with my life. Other than be an avid blogger, that is. I want to be a teacher. I have had so much inspiration from so many sources and I know that that's where I need to be, which could take hours to explain.

There is such a huge difference in teaching and BEING a teacher, I think. To teach is to just spit a lot of facts at people and hope they retain it long enough to answer some questions right on a multiple choice test. But being a teacher is more of a lifestyle. Even now I have the teacher/mother personality (so I'm told). I had two high school teachers that really inspired me and I am forever indebted to them for so many reasons.

I guess I should get to the why part now. But that requires a little bit of the "my major is better than your major" speech. Don't try to tell me you haven't had a conversation that went kind of like this:
"English? That's like, the easiest major ever, why would you do that?"
"Well, because I enjoy it."
"Well I'm an Engineering major. It's way harder than English."

All I can really say at that point is la-dee-freakin-da. I don't really care how challenging or not it may seem to somebody, ya know? I could certainly not sit down and do two hours of physics, or even a minute for that matter. But I also know that there aren't a lot of people that can sit down and devour a novel in a few hours like I can. English is the best major ever...for me! I just get to read and learn about different times and cultures through stories for the next two to three years; who could ask for anything better, right?!

And this is what I love about literature. It is so much more than just stories. There is definetly a history component to it in that you have to know the society and culture at the time to really understand the piece. You can't read Homer without knowing what society was like back then. It's like reading the Bible as if it were written just for funsies. Considering the audience always makes a piece richer. Which is why certain works like these have stood the test of time! You can't read Shakespeare and expect to get all the "inside jokes" that he has with his audience if you don't understand the culture the is poking fun at. Basically I'm just a nerd and I think it's fun to analyze literature and I want to help other people understand how our world has both evolved and remained constant through time. Humans are still human whether we wore togas or skinny jeans. Sometimes I think literature can speak louder than a history book.

And it worries me. In 50 or 100 years when people are reading literature from our time period, what will it reflect? Will it be accurate? Will it be admirable? Is what we read and interpret accurate and admirable about past societies? Would THEY be satisfied with how we think of them? Will WE be satisfied with how people think of us or are we willing to stand up and tell people how to remember us?

There is so much more I wish I had time or space to say, but I'm sure I started boring you when you read the title, so I suppose I'll wrap it up for today...

I think it is important that we all pursue our passions. God has given them to us and enabled us to pursue them so that we can use them to bring Him glory. Not every one is called to move to a different continent and be supported by churches or adopt 20 children from China. We are called to be disciples wherever we are in whatever we are doing. I hope and pray that we never think we have to leave where we are to spread the word of  Christ. There are people hurting and in need of Jesus right where we are. And if I can be that salt and light in a souring and darkening world,to a girl or boy who maybe aren't even interested in learning, but just need something to get them through the day, in a public school, where I am not allowed to be overt in my faith, but my smile and my actions show the love of Christ to every one around me WHILE doing what I love?!

Let it be so.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Seven Times Seventy

Remember how I went off on a tangent about the word "but" in the Bible and said I was going to have a really catchy title and awesome post about it? Well, apparently Google doesn't think that it's as cool as I do. So I'm gonna have to do a little more research and postpone that one.

Forgiveness is a good topic for today. Sometimes it's easy to forgive and sometimes it's hard to forgive. VERY hard. Through the past year I have lost a lot of things that are important to me. I've lost a best friend, my securities, my ability to be open and vulnerable and a little bit of confidence and faith in people. It seems morbid, right? I don't like feeling that way, but how much can one person take when every one flees from you like you have the plague after they find out what you're struggling with in life? It really is sad. At least I found out who my true friends are and for that I am grateful.

Forgiveness. I can't do it on my own. Over Passion God revealed to me through the reading Ephesians that I have let the sun set on my anger for way too many nights! If Satan can find a foothold in one night of sleeping with anger, how much more can he do over 6 months!? I cringe at the fact that I let him have that satisfaction. Ephesians also says that we must lay aside our earthly lusts that are of our "old self." I think this includes a blood lust: that insatiable need to have revenge and for people to get what they had coming to them.  In Matthew 18:22 Jesus says that we are not to forgive our brothers only seven times, but seven times seventy. Which is 490, but I think He said that just for effect, don't you think? And even if He IS being literal, that's a lot of times that I have to forgive the same person, although I'm sure that wouldn't be enough to cover me after all the anger and bitterness I have harbored for so long.

I recently had a friend put forgiveness for others in a different light. This friend has been able to relate to me on so many levels and I am so very thankful that God has brought them into my life. This friend has had to forgive people, just as I have to, that have done some serious damage. But they told me that they thought about it sort of life that's what we do to God. Does that make sense? Probably not. OK, so we do a lot of awful things to God that absolutely break His heart and make Him even more jealous for us. I can abso-toota-lutely tell you that if you have asked to receive it, He has forgiven you WAY more than 490 times. So why is it so hard for us to forgive and it is so easy for Him? Other than the fact that He is completely perfect and Holy, we are human. Bound and determined to make things harder for ourselves and destined to fall into the traps that Satan has so craftily set up. But once you look at someone who has done something to hurt you as what you have done to God it makes you want to reconcile with them immediately.

I have come to a point where I realize that forgiveness is imperative in order for me to walk as a child of God as opposed to a child of the world. IN the world, not OF the world. The world says we shouldn't forgive those who have done us wrong and that "karma" will take care of them. False. We should forgive them as God forgave us, and if they have asked forgiveness from God as well, He is just and more mighty to judge than any justice system on the planet.


Thursday, January 12, 2012

Brokenness

It's a funny feeling, brokenness, funny to spell too. It feels like such defeat sometimes, doesn't it? Like there is nothing else in the world you can do but sit there and wait for things to get better? But there is hope!

Can I go on a tangent about the word "but" for a moment? OK, thanks. It is SO powerful! I mean when you use it as a conjunction in a children's story for example "Jack was going to play outside, but he had to finish his homework first" it's not SO powerful. Now look at Ephesians 2:3-5 "among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest. BUT God, being rich in mercy because of His great love with which He loved us, even when were were dead in our transgressions made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved)." Don't you see?! The Bible is full of "buts"!And they're beautiful.... actually, you just inspired me for another topic with a catchy title to be coming soon!

Anyway.....so blah blah blah we are broken people and we feel defeated and like there is nothing we can do. NEWSFLASH: there isn't anything YOU can do. It's what God can do THROUGH you! I was just telling a friend on Facebook about 2 Corinthians1 that says in verses 3-4 " Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." We have trials in our lives that leave us feeling deflated. But "consider it joy, brothers, when you face trials of many kinds" (James 1:2). Why do we consider it a joy? 1: because it brings honor and glory to Christ Jesus, 2: because through it we are able to minister to others using our testimony (which then refers to number one). Don't you see that everything happens because it is meant to bring glory to God? We CANNOT feel defeated! "take heart! For I have overcome the world!" (John 16:33). God has already defeated everything we will overcome. Doesn't that give you hope? We all have a role in His plan for divine redemption. Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for good and not for evil, plans for a hope and a future."

So recently I've talked about Passion. During which there were several mentions of this brokenness that so many feel because let's face it, life is hard! And it takes a while to reach this state because I am sort of a control freak and I think I can handle everything myself which is so NOT true. So we reach a point at which we "give up" or as a Christian, we realize that God is bigger than our problems and we hand our lives over to Him because His plans are ALWAYS so much better than ours. Louie Giglio (fantastical speaker, by the way). Was speaking on our last morning and said something that really caught me off guard. He said that "Brokenness is the bow of which God launches arrows of healing." At first it didn't really make sense, but the more you think about it the more it totally DOES make sense. When we reach a point of brokenness, we realize that we can't do it on our own (which we have established ten million times today, but I just want to make sure I'm getting my point across) when we realize this God starts to work through us and heal us in a way that is only possible through Him. Simple as that! Another way to think about it is to think about a vase...you got it? OK. So you have this vase and it starts to crack. Just the paint at first, but then it gets deeper until the two sides are completely severed. Well, what do you see through that brokenness? LIGHT!!! ta-da, you've mastered it, right? Through our brokenness, the light and truth of Jesus can shine into our lives!

I know I pretty much gave you an essay to read today, but wasn't it worth it?! I thought so, but then again I think all my ideas are brilliant. This is probably elementary to you and you think I'M the stupid one for just figuring it out. Oh well. That's why you're reading this, right? Because you chose to embark on my life's journey with me. So you may just have to put up with my stubbornness sometimes.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Passion 2012

      Passion: A sort of emotion or motivation I suppose would be the best way to term the word "passion." It is also a movement started by Louie Giglio and Chris Tomlin for college and young adult men and women to come together and worship God.  This year I got a chance to be a part of this movement and I will never be the same.

I am really excited to tell you that these few days led to several topics of conversation that you will be introduced to soon! But this is all about God. Our glorious, mighty, everlasting Prince of Peace and Lord of Lords. To try and keep this as short as possible I will just tell you that being in the middle of the Georgia Dome, filled with 45000 college and young adults praising and worshiping and learning in community about my dear Savior has been one of the highlights possibly of my life.

It is amazing how much LESS reserved you are when it is firstly, so evident that the Holy Spirit is present and secondly when you suddenly realize what it means to have 45000 people worshiping with you. Did you hear me? 45000 people. In one place. For one purpose.

And it was such a blessing to watch the Spirit move throughout the week not only in corporate worship and teaching but in smaller groups where we had the opportunity to invest in people and see what God was doing in their lives and investigate more deeply what God was doing in our lives.

Every year Passion "adopts" a cause to increase awareness and give people an opportunity to give their money and resources to those who are far less fortunate. This year, our focus was on slavery. Trust me when I say there is more to come on this topic, however the point of saying this is to make you aware. Did you know there are currently around 27 MILLION people enslaved right now? Did you know that that is more than at any time under any ruler ever in our history? Doesn't that make you uncomfortable? Anyway, us poor college kids were able to raise over 3 million dollars to increase awareness, action and restoration of those involved all across the globe. No big deal. VERY big deal.

And don't you dare sit there and tell me God isn't at work in our generation. It is simply undeniable when a group of "kids" makes the front pages of websites and cover stories on news stations. 1 Timothy 4:12 says that we are not to let anybody put us down because of our youth, but rather be the example setters in everything we do.

I guess my scatter brain-ed-ness is all to say that it was amazing experience seeing what God can do in my life and in the lives of others when you just open up your heart to what He wants you to do and who He wants you to be. I am more confident than ever and I have a burning PASSION to not only live like the Lord dwells in me, but to TELL other people about it. To set aside my doubts and reservations and run hard after God in all that He is and all that He does.

Next year Passion has the opportunity to fill the Georgia Dome to its full seating capacity and then some. Tickets go on sale in the spring. I've seen what God can do with 45000 students, just imagine how much more he could do with 73000!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Two Thousand and Eleven

Since I had the stereotypical Christmas post, I may as well have the stereotypical New Year's post too, right? But instead of making empty promises to myself and to you I'd like to reminisce a little, if you don't mind...

In 2011 I...
-was blessed with turning one year older
-was blessed with another year with the person I love
-spent a week doing misisons in the Philippines
-GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL (finally)
-went on my last Chi Alpha Choir Tour
-Decided what church to go to on my own terms
-started my college career at the University of Alabama
-lost a best friend
-rekindled a best friend
-cried with my family
-rejoiced with my family
-learned that God's timing is always better than mine
-learned that "trials of this life are just mercies in disguise"

I don't think I can remember any point in my life where I have been so completely broken yet so completely whole. As Christians we plead for God to break our heart for what breaks His. And as my heart has been broken for things that have and things that will happen, people that have rejected the gospel, people that have rejected me, and people that have become comfortable I have become increasingly confident in my faith and relationship with the Lord.

I know it is kind of difficult to imagine being completely broken yet completely whole. It doesn't make sense; if you break a vase it is broken. In no way is it whole. But God works in mysterious ways, my friend. You see, once we are completely broken, God can put us together the way he wants to. Think about it this way. You have a beautiful vase. But you drop it on the floor and it breaks. But then you gather all the broken pieces and create a mosaic that is even more beautiful than the original. That's what God does with our hearts and our lives! Once we accept that we are broken and fallen God picks us up and puts us together. And image how beautiful a mosaic we create when all of our trials and screw ups bring glory to the Lord Most High! Our mosaic then, becomes not just a conglomeration of things that have happened to us, but a picture of the person who delivered us from them. And since the mosaic is a metaphor for our hears and our lives, if our mosaic looks like Christ, then our hearts and lives begin to look like Christ. Which is the meaning of "Christian" to begin with: "little Christ."

And just for funsies I'm going to post some things that I plan on doing in 2012 so we can look at them next year!

In 2012 I will....
-turn another year older (in two days!)
-Go to Passion (tomorrow! You can expect a post around Friday)
-Do mission work in the Dominican Republic
-maintain and build relationships
-rejoice with my family
-cry with my family
-read through the Bible with my church family
-become more vulnerable and tune into what God has to say to me and change in me

So may 2012 be a year of crying, rejoicing, blessings and trials that all come together for the glory and honor of the one who has blessed us with another year to proclaim His love and power to the ends of the earth!