It's really hard to come up with a title for this post. But ya'll should be happy that blogging made my to-do list of things to do before I leave the country! I thought I had gotten over my extreme and irrational fear of this trip, but not we are less than 24 hours away from being there and I can't get these butterflies out of my stomach. Not to mention something that could completely make or shatter my world is happening while I'm gone and I'm not sure how I feel about it.
But nevertheless, God is doing great things in my walk! On Wednesday night we watched a simulcast of a documentary called "Love Costs Everything." If there is ANY way for you to get a hold of this documentary, do it. It broke my heart and has really got me thinking, in the good way of course. But it's still scary!
Basically it is about the persecuted church. In 2003 Iraq had 2 million Christians. Guess how many they have now? 200, 000. About 10% of what they had just barely 9 years ago. A pastor baptized 13 people one Sunday, and by the next, 11 were dead. And listening to these people who have been beaten down, literally, by people of Islamic and Hindu faith just shatters my heart. But it is more than just sympathy. Do I hurt for them, yes. But it is so much deeper. When asked what they wanted to happen to the people that so brutally persecute them they say without hesitation "I pray for God to have mercy on them and forgive them for their sins." WHAT?!
This makes me think of a couple different things.
1- Paul. He is imprisoned, right? And he is writing his letter to the church in Ephesus. And what does he say? He says "pray for me that word be given to me that whenever I open my mouth I may fearlessly (boldly) proclaim the gospel for which I am a prisoner in chains." Again, WHAT?! How easy would it have been for me to write "pray for me that they free me from these chains" or "pray that God strike down these people that have hurt me." But he prays for words to fearlessly proclaim the gospel. Does that not blow your mind?
2- When Jesus was being beaten he looks up and says "forgive them, for the know not what they do." They don't know what they do? Sure they do! They know they are beating and crucifying and innocent man, don't they?! But I was reading the other day about how people that don't know Christ don't have the knowledge that we have. And that makes sense. They don't know what they do. Because they don't know that God is the Most High God so they don't know that they are literally killing him.
I am so baffled by this compassion. And I feel like such an awful person because a lot of times I can't even show people grace when they step on my heel on the sidewalk, or step into my path or say something hurtful. These people have compassion on the people that want to kill them! I pray so fervently that God enable my heart to harbor such compassion. And why wouldn't we want for God to have mercy on them? Are we so selfish that we think the kingdom of God is not big enough for all of us? That it somehow isn't just for them to get into the kingdom of God for committing sins just like we have? We play the "your sin is worse than mine" game. We play God and want to cast eternal judgement on them because of what they have done to US. How stupid and selfish of us! The love and salvation of God is for all that will accept it!
It makes my head hurt when I try to find this compassion within myself. And it makes my heart hurt when I realize that I can't. But that's exactly why we need God, isn't it?
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