Comfort Zones

      I am having a little tiny MAJOR freak out! I'm sitting here at eleven o'clock at night having a complete melt down because of something I know I am supposed to do! Has God ever done that to you? He gets you to get comfortable with what He wants you to do but doesn't tell you about what all comes with it? It's funny, really. His sense of humor just never ceases to amaze me.

So I have been called to go on this mission trip, right? It's over Spring Break and we are going to the Dominican Republic. And at first I didn't know if I could sacrifice those work hours to go or if I could sacrifice the money I will have made up to that point, ya know? Well I got over it. At some point God just tells you to stop making excuses and do it! And I was so excited about it!

And then I find out all I have to do. I have to talk in front of a classroom of kids, play games with them, talk to them and be friendly, do Bible clubs and have a testimony prepared for any moment. I know this sounds sort of trivial and stupid and like how we should be on guard every day for someone to ask us about our faith, but this feels different. Have you ever been on mission trips with a group and you're the one that just watches everything? You still participate, but there is that one group of people that seems to be the most fun and outgoing that all the kids want to hang out with because their pretty and fun and they all end up getting heart warming pictures together? yeah...I was NEVER in that group. And it's scary.

Not to mention that I'm only really close with one person going and that one person happens to be my boyfriend. And I can't be that clingy girlfriend. Not that I want to be. I WANT to be able to be the fun girl that people want to hang out with. But I'm new to this group. They've grown up together. I don't like being the newcomer that feels like they have to force their way into the group. You know why I don't like being that girl? Because I never liked those girls. And I've seen the damage that those girls can do.

So basically what we have here is just another case of low self worth and a feeling of helplessness that God can't possibly use me in the ways that He uses other people. Which is ridiculous. Obviously He has called me to this and He is going to equip me, but aren't I allowed to be scared?